रेड ड्रीम्स

“मुझे पता है लड़कियों को अलग तरीके से रखा जाता है, उन्हें सिर्फ परवरिश ही नहीं उन्हें एक तयशुदा जिंदगी सिखाई जाती है। बहुत शुरू से ही उस औहदे पर तैयार होती है लड़कियाँ जहां उन्हें दूसरों के सपने, दुसरों का घर, उनकी इज्ज़त, मान मर्यादा का ख्याल रखना पड़ता है। हमने लड़कियों को कभी बहुत जरूरी नहीं माना किसी चीज के लिए पर हमारे घर का ऐसा एक कोना भी नहीं है जहां उनके बगैर कुछ काम आसान हो सके। हां क्योंकि काम तो हम सब फिर भी कर लेंगे पर, करने के तरीक़े लड़कियों से ही मिलते है।
हमने उनके लिए दो ही विकल्प सामने रखे हैं, एक अच्छी गृहिणी का या एक रौबदार पद पर कार्यरत आफिसर का। इसके बीच में झूल रही लड़कियाँ संघर्ष कर रहीं है। संघर्ष या तो अच्छी बेटी, शादी रेडी बेटी, अच्छी बहू, अच्छी पत्नी, औसत दर पर काम करने वाली सुंदर लड़की या काॅमन पालिटिक्स में यूं ही नजरअंदाज हो जाने वाली लड़की के रूप में। और बाहर हमें एक चमत्कारिक रूप से दिखाई देती है सशक्त लड़कियाँ। स्टाईल और श्रृंगार में मशगूल लड़कियाँ। इन यर ही मज़ाक होगा और इनसे ही होगा इस समाज को प्यार भी। लड़कियों की स्थिती सिर्फ भाषण से नहीं सुधरेगी, ये तब सुधरेगी जब लड़कियाँ खुद इस हालात को ठीक करना चाहेंगी।”

काव्या के स्टेज पर खड़ी ये सारी बातें सुन रही थी और एक टक अपनी बनाई रेड ड्रेस को देखे जा रही थी। एक प्रतियोगिता में उसकी बनाई ड्रेस दूसरे स्थान पर आई। उसे उम्मीद नहीं थी की ड्रेस सिलेक्ट होगी, पर अभी वो विजेता मंडली में आश्चर्यजनक खुशी और खोई हुई नजरों के साथ वहां खड़ी थी। तालियों की आवाज से उसका सारा सपना एक विराम पर आ गया। भाषण के बाद कालेज की डीन स्टेज से नीचे उतरी, बारी बारी से बाकी लड़कियाँ अपना ड्रेस लेकर भी नीचे आ गई। काव्या अंत में उतरी और जान बूझकर उसने अपनी बनाई ड्रेस छोड़ दी, ताकि उसका नाम दुबारा पुकारा जाए और सबका ध्यान, ड्रेस और ड्रेस बनाने वाले पर जा सके। ये तरकीब काम कर गई, स्टेज से होस्ट ने काव्या को आवाज लगाई, ड्रेस की तारीफ करते हुए उसने काव्या को स्टेज से अपना सामान ले जाने का आग्रह किया। नहीं चाहते हुए भी काफी लोगों ने देखा और सुना भी।

कार्यक्रम अपने नियमानुसार और दिए गए समय पर संपन्न हुआ। फैशन क्लब के सारे लोग अपना अपना सामान लेकर वापस हॉस्टल लौट गए। काव्या हॉस्टल के छत पर चली गई। बहुत देर तक हवाओं को, बादलों को , उभरते तारें और डूबते सूरज को देखती रही। शाम का वक्त पूरे शहर को चूमता हुआ अलविदा कहकर चला गया। दिनभर का सारा किस्सा रात के कानों में बुदबुदाते हुए उसने रात के अंधेरेपन में भी काफी रौनक कर दी थी। बाकी लड़कियाँ भी छत पर आने लगी, हवाओं में सिगरेट और स्लो गानों ने पूरा माहौल इतवार सा कर दिया। एक लम्बे अर्से बाद इस हॉस्टल में सूकून था, जश्न था और कहीं सपनों से शिकायतें भी थीं।

इस बीच काव्या को हर कोई बधाई दे रहा था। काव्या वेस्टर्न तौर तरीके वाली लड़की है, उसने इंडियन ब्राइडल लुक डिजाइन किया, पूरा एक ड्रेस! ये उसके साथ साथ इंडियन वेयर की जीत भी थी। दरअसल काव्या को यही सिखाया गया था की चूड़ी बिंदी साड़ी पहनने वाली लड़कियाँ सिर्फ मनोरंजन के लिए होतीं है। उनपर गानें लिखे जाएगें, उनकी सुंदर तस्वीर निकाली जाएगीं और बाकी लड़कियों को श्रृंगार की अंधी दौड़ में शामिल होने के लिए छोड़ दिया जाएगा।
ऐसी लड़कियां कहानियों में भी अस्तित्वहीन होती हैं। यही सब बसा था काव्या के दिमाग में इसलिए ही भी वो चाहकर भी ट्रेडिशनल कुछ नहीं पहनती ना खरीदती थी। लेकिन उसे ये सब काफी पसंद था। उसने अपने मन की सारी कल्पना इस रेड ड्रेस में उकेर कर रख दी।

काव्य सिंगल शेयर रूम में रहती थी, वजह वही, की कहीं बाकी लड़कियां उसे अपने जैसा ना बना दे। देकर रात जब लगभग सारे लोग सो गए, काव्य अपना ड्रेस और मेकअप का सारा सामान लेकर कमरे से बाहर आई और छत की तरह गई। सीढ़ीघर में उसने अपना ड्रेस पहना, बहुत गहरा मेकअप, और बाकी जेवर पहनकर वो छत पर चली गई। ठंडी हवाएं, कुछ तारें और आधा चांद वाला आसमान के नीचे काव्या पूरी सजकर खड़ी थी। उसने छत के दो तीन चक्कर काटे, छत पर स्थित नीचे कैम्पस के देखा और हाथ हिलाने लगी। उसे पहली बार खुबसूरत महसूस हो रहा था। वो किसी सुपरस्टार की तरह एक्टिंग करने लगी। भरी नजाकत, अदाएं और शाही रोआब लिए वो पूरे अंधेरेपन और खालीपन को बड़े ही ईमानदारी के साथ एड्रेस किया।

कहने को रात था मगर ये सुर्ख रंग लिए काव्या ने चांद की भी रौशनी आधी कर दी थी। काव्या इस माहौल में हर एक क्षण जी रही थी। उसके ड्रेस पर लगा सितारा भी जगमगा रहा था और एक रंगहीन रौशनी में वो कोहिनूर लग रही थी, ऐसा उसे मालूम था। अपने अंदाज में मग्न काव्या ने तभी कांच के ग्लास लुढ़कने की आवाज़ आई। वो थोड़ी हरबड़ा गई और पहले अपने ड्रेस का चेन खोला, जूता खोला और दुपट्टा भी हटा लिया। वो जल्दी से सीढ़ीघर में आई। इससे पहले कोई देखता वो रगड़कर मेकअप हटाने लगी।
इसी हरबड़ी में उसकी नींद खुल गई। काव्या अपने बिस्तर पर अपना रेड ड्रेस के साथ लेटी हुई थी। हवा के बहाव से उसका ग्लास गिर गया था, सुबह के चार बजे थे और नज़ारा उसी शाम का था जब ये सपना शुरू हुआ।
-ईशा मृदुल

Insta id @thebaalika

Picture Malvika Rudra

A streak of stars by @Giva

A streak of stars by Giva

It’s been exactly one month when I received this lovely gift from Giva.

You must have heard about influencer marketing, if not I’ll try to explain a bit here. Marketing is one of the very essential pillars in any brand development. So to advertise in large scale, on special occasions, many brands offer a collaboration deal with different peopl on social media platforms. This is basically to project the product to a variety of audiences.

In this, the face value of the person, or the influencer helps company to get authentic and organic reach.
Brand offers two types of marketing exchange where you can also get paid for being their brandface. This is called brand ambassador thing.
But I was on the other side of branding that calls for a barter.
In barter the product is sent to you and in return you have to post in feed and in story about the product on your social media page.

Now this is the marketing relation between the brand and the person. But I’ll tell you how it’s really special to me.

I received my pack of gift on 26th January.
The package was cozy and sweet with a little card that calls you Diva!.
The presentation of the box itself is precious and the charm is carried well by the designing of the box.

When I opened, I saw this very sophisticated tiny card of certification that confirms the quality and originality of 925 Sterling silver.
The designing and the packaging gives adds value to your time while opening this delicate piece of glitter.
Just then, under a cushion lays this magical ‘streak of stars’ shining like moon.

Trust me it makes you feel special. It’s very attractive and at the same time gives you all royalty you need sitting in your comfort zone.
It’s very easy to carry and good to go with multiple attire. I myself tried on many outfits and it made miracles to all.

Frankly this is not the first collab I did, but Giva has made me feel special and precious. Thank you.

Roses are Red

“The market usually blooms everyday, but today it was blushing. The little elegant smell of roses could be felt in the entire flower market. Bouquets have a set of flowers which differs from choice to choice and event to event. But today, event, choice and need all settled down on soft petals of rose and red roses the most.

Organe flowers are usually first choice as it’s cheap and can be fixed in any occasion. Be it a new vehicle, inauguration day, opening day, foundation day,  any prosperous day, or your special day, marigolds have been more than a filler to all good or sad events. No basic decors can be done without a marigold mala.

Being religiously active and inclined to religion, we observe marigold flowers to be in one of the top demand. But now, we have lotus, dahlia, seasonal flowers, show flowers and even roses in mainstream business. They all play a crucial role.

I and my husband have been into this business since childhood, it’s more of a family business. We actually did a love marriage and so we eloped from the city we were in.  We knew the tricks and tracks of how city buds with flowers and we got to know that Red is the colour.

We keep all kinds of red flowers, it’s in high demand, and specially in this season. Some designers buy all our stock in an hour because they choose theme based decorations and for weddings or for any love occasions, all they need is red. Even offering for the goddesses  people prefer red flowers and we even supply red flowers to different little shops you find near temples.

Our business has developed alot and so our love for each other. The market works in different rounds and the demand is huge so we have to an active check on stock and also on rates. Like today roses have been hicked and has been kept full stock on display. The prices are doubled from the usual day, and it will rise if we get other special bookings. The price rate depends on the quality, it’s life and the city mood. We can’t store flowers and one of the major part is consumed in transportation so we have to keep a good check on all of these.

I don’t find roses very interesting or convincing for love.I have seen love being smashed down under beautiful flowers. What matters to me most as love is it’s life, quality and our mood for it to make it special everyday. We usually don’t get time to relax or talk about love, after our marriage . Love changed it’s face value and now stays with us as care. We have just promised to share all our Chai breaks, and meals together no matter what colour the flower is and what season it is.”!

-Isha Mridul

Jealousy: Not a first thought

We are living in a competitive world where the need of good and demand of the best walks in everyday. There is no other option but to be the best version of yourself in the area you choose to be in.
We all have a purpose in this life but the purpose is re directed a way where we are able to fight back for our worth. Otherwise the mere life in basic terms is just a mediocre adjustment against the life you dream about .
Amongst all such odds people are left with choices all alike and to invest their entire life finding a way to survive, and the only way to survive is competion.

This frustrates alot of people and they start to crave more. This ‘more’ has it’s subordinate where you have options like greed and need. Being greedy and needy is has it’s own plus minus ,but what’s more important to understand here is, how well do you get them?
Greed for personal growth and development is actually a good trait to follow but making it a critical need can actually collapse your emotional side. Because then you’ll push yourself to limits that are undefined to your worth. Though you try harder and struggle just to fill the void and to fit into the list where growth and development is important. This then turns to be a need, from here you choose to be on the side that offers more struggle.

People often make themselves very uncomfortable when they find out that there are other people who are more successful without doing or facing equal competion. It’s because successful and wear off people actually reduce extra competion and they only focus on the side their good in. They make an everyday note of what’s new and good about themselves as an individual and not as a trend of various groups.

This creates a degree of jealousy and comparison between the two. The trials don’t make any end and jealously keeps on increasing. To explain this, imagine you and your friend is working on the same project and you got less of the appreciation and reward as your friend. In such cases you are more likely to feel sad and doubt your worth and participation than congratulating your mate. This is obvious, but the foundation of self doubt and jealousy as well.

Here, jealous wasn’t a very prime response but a response in the background. It’s a result of not being appreciated equally for the same project. This habit grows and evolves as one of the person who also stalks. The stalker in you our in any of us is no one but a potential worthy personality who is not been given equal importance or not being appreciated on the efforts they make.

To make sure that we provide a good atmosphere for our mind and emotions, we to regularly check on ourselves. Ask questions as to why am I attracted or invested in a competitive role where nobody asked me to do so?
The world is very neutral , engaging and rewarding if we focus a little bit on ourselves without being judgmental or competitive about the processes outside our zone.

Isha Mridul

India has 1,020 females per 1,000 males,

After years of practice and adventure our country got a raised female ratio in the gender head count. Now, that’s something very intriguing about our culture who might prefer preaching goddesses but will always demand a son!
In a country where the legacy walks from penis to penis, we have got a pretty good number of vaginas this time.
But does this hike really mean an excuse of empowerment? Imagine a house with five girls and the extreme greed, need and intense love for that one male child who will offer protection and care to other five.
We are yet not sure how will authority function when in hands of someone who is supposed to be dragged and always pinned down in your bed!
Majority is the only tool in a democratic community, but it fails often when comes to our private business, life and anything that has atleast one male.
The demand in the industry has certainly changed, people are offering various roles to women as well, but have you every tried asking that only woman in the group who will make a headline here and there about how she feels to be the only minority, in a country that has now a national record of having more females!
The real meaning of a raised headcount number depends on how democratic we are in improvising with the state authorities. State here means any particular situation.
Does this ratio means that girls can now walk freely? Does this makes family with only daughters feel more legitimate and complete? Will this gender ratio make girl child less of a liability? Can we stop asking families for how will the legacy transfer without having that one male child? Can we have daughters performing the antim sanskar for their parents sound more rational?
On the very first note, men and women are equally important for the natural progression of the human race. There is no point in asking for or sharing the idea of who’s more important, but don’t we feel that we still have that male dominant lifestyle being scheduled automatically?
Why do companies, and ventures promote females to be all red, gorgeous, and of love? And men to be taking important call on decisions?
Don’t we have  marriages, that are supposed to be taking care of things equally? Then why does the very obvious and first thought of power, respect and responsibility falls down under beards, mustaches ?
Men has certainly taken this long term belief of ruling very personal. And it’s high time we stop counting numbers. The real raised female ratio should be taken to note as to how many literate women were allowed to pursue what they wished for? How many young girls were sent to school to study without  attending for their marriage prospects, How many families count their daughters as their prime asset. Which industries take women as an advisory unit and not just an advertising object. And yes, no doubt that women are taking responsibilities, voicing themselves and even being more accountable for things they do, but aren’t we still lagging behind? Are we allowing themselves to be a version of female they want to be.
-Isha Mridul

Revolutionary Rhymes

The latest updates made sure that it was very unsafe for people to move around the city and so, an alert was regulated prescribing no casual movement in the town. It was probably a drill for the children but the adults knew that this time the drill was the actually on ground and things would shut down for next long week. Just before when fear freaks us, it’s just life and no gender.
It was happening in the middle of the day, a day that had birthdays, school prayers, routined classes, people going for their work, clock ticking every minute and bells from the church next street. It was on the normalized normal day. The early morning newspaper had five well to do articles. Motivation, Rebels, Consistency, Nature and all Goodness had already been sipped in with the black coffee on the table. Some miles away little lunch boxes were waiting to make their first unlock ‘tap’ sound for today , bread, butter, carrots, jam and mayonnaise. So there were children, hope, texts and literature that made life easier.
It was good.
The very next moment, the school bell rang, radio went off, taxi tyres scratched and shops forced closed. Some high alert updates and more severe than drills had come in real. Newspaper articles that quoted ‘Revolution ‘ was left inside the printing room that was now locked and the time had come to, maybe look for life in dark shade, hiding and keeping all silence.
Students knew less, but knew it would end, school went shock and now they owned the responsibility to make them safe to home . One by one three buses moved out, students were kept in library before any hijack took the teachings over. There was rush, and terror, panic and fixed roads to escape to pack life. The last group of children, hide safe in the library , this made her admire the books and smell those pages, it was here first year of reading and books had already locked her interest, skin and heart to the pages that turned sepia.

She reached to a book, standing on her toes, the world outside running while she was slow with her approach. A teacher ran to her and pulled her in, this sudden change, unbalanced the entire rack and books trembled down to her. She picked up one and two-three more, the drills usually gives a long stay in home. There was peace and sureness in the books she chose. Carried them to bus and hurried back to home. She ran straight to room and kept those books, smelld it again and piled up in one corner.
Her mother followed, and hugged her tight ” pray for this life and please leave these books aside.” “We need to pack our things and shift to safe for a while, forget your books, this flee is required for the better future of our lives.”
“But this book has beautiful things, and gives us strength.”
“I’ll tell you how beautiful stories are written and how life is needed to get back strength.”

-Isha Mridul





Like



Comment


Share

Freedom of speech

He saved the teacher from a horrible accident in the chemistry lab and so after a year and a half later the school principal decided to honour this brave kid. It was quiet a calcuative call by the board of directors as this abruptly popped bravery award was a new trend in the middle of the session. We are so much driven by the bribe and the scam related to it that it appears to be one of the casual regular ways of achieving and living. Like the very obvious things, the eco system of any organization is classified into categories that has administering powers, management powers and then a population who just dreams to be one of those. Power is that card that makes you strive to do more, and yet makes you do nothing, because you know you have power . People believe that power is a powerful thing, without realizing a fact that it is a collective decision and we give a part of our freedom and choices to someone who thinks that they know better. It can be challenged, questioned and denied the very moment you get to see the equation of this power. A regular, mediocre child who saves someone’s life is huge yet normal thing, because it’s their duty. Okay, from a teacher student view this bravery, or honour should be accommodated within week, so that this understanding of two different designations is redefined and presented well for others. But now , the element of who holds the power and how much of power is to shared comes in the middle, which requires a total reconstruction of is life still a priority over someone’s power.!

So by his very close friends and his own teachers a message was conveyed that awards are primarily for those who are an all rounder, very well justified. And accordingly to beat the obvious powerful candidate from winning the trophy was actually like questioning, challenging and denying the whole system of awarding the same. He tried well, and had a countable improvement in the semester performance . After a regular rounds of discussion and with a democratic poll, he was chosen to be one deserving candidate to receive the award. Now this is the picture that most of us might carry as a blunt, usual insight that happens between power holders and power seekers. The other half of thing doesn’t make him feel normal or happy about whatever was happening on his face . Bullying. When the powerful people or their children tastes the goodness of this liberty, what they actually want is to make this a terrible situation to understand for the outside world, though it is terrible and complicated, but the range of presenting it, is very different. It is to make it sure that no one else every wishes or dreams about this power sharing. And here comes bullying, insulting, abusing and cruelty that destroys someone’s moral consciousness.

This was exactly what happened during the course of time. And he was cornered to a place where he helplessly accepted that this will carry on, because he was opted against the well do management. He shared the incidents with his friends, family and no teacher , because it’s another form of complication and all of them suggested him to keep silence about this, because they have connections, they have power, they run the institute and this will cause nothing to them, but many things to us.

We tend and boast about moral values, truth, instincts but do we ever realize how brutally and unknowingly we chop down the instincts to stand against something wrong. After a long wait the award ceremony was conducted in the big hall, he stood up walked to the stage, recieved a heavyset award and couldn’t even fake a smile for the future.

-Isha Mridul

The maths of Fortune

The maths of fortune.

On a broader view, we all know what is stability and it’s changing faces with respect to our choices . Working harder or actively is a mantra that almost all of us have figured out, but the result and the period it takes for a favorable result decides how much do we really know about being stable. The economy of are existence is such that, everything costs you something out of your presence, and they will either make you understand the system or you’ll suffer during the course of the system. The agenda is to live a life, at the cost of many lives around. So, this world, in general offers a lot beautiful aspects to live a unidirectional form of life, which will be stable and satisfying and the edge of nothingness, but only end. In simple terms, we strive to live a life that will make sense to the world around, but what actually happens at the end is that, world makes more sense to us , when this active sport comes to rest . The essence of being vanished or the theory of getting submerged into this life, primarily doesn’t need your distinctive existence. And this is shocking, for most of us. Then we dodge out of this ideas and the understandings that is already present, to the calculations of fortune, freedom, and even karma. Imagine the range of disturbances karma and fortune has done to us, the kingdom with brains!

Regardless of what fortune is, every element around us, truly knows what karma is, and it’s dominant behavior is governed by that karma too. Imagine a lion and it’s very immediate nature. That’s karma, and this unfiltered karma made his fortune and probably stable. What plays well with us is, our are first impression of existence is the other way round. We are lead by fates, fortune and with this illusion that I produce life around, without highlighting the reasons behind it. Karma has a strong, physical, psychological and scientific calculation, with very convincing proofs.

Then what diverts us from choosing karma first?

The sense of individuality and life and the equation between these two makes us to choose karma accordingly. If you are filled with individuality, you will be over mesmerized by the fate you have, if you are filled with life you will blame the life that makes you do a certain thing. But if there’s a good balance you actually know how to guide what, which all starts from your first step towards karma. For me, it’s the zero of this whole system, it’s just where and how you place it to make value. People who keep it before them, or feel that they are controlled by karma will eventually loose their value, while those who choose karma after being sensed life, each day they increase their value, and they hold a better refined fortune.

Isha Mridul

The right of me, that went wrong

The right of me, that went wrong.

We have this particular notion of being right, perceiving right, knowing the truth and abiding by every little aspect that is engaged on righteousness. But how do or when do we decide what is at what point a right thing. And if the right goes wrong, who is responsible for that wrong? I am certainly not sure about what I do or what I read.
I am certainly not aware of what productivity means to the world and to what extent this world would accept my productivity and would find me useful. I think the area under which you accept being able to indulge into experience, assuming things, failing on account of very basic issues that has to do with being productive. Otherwise the entire story of who fails and wins has nothing to do with the people around but the actually person on spot. I am not a grateful person nor I take anything for granted. I just have this typical old fashioned way of dealing with every day and looking back as to how the week went by.

Love doesn’t give you memories it gives you challenges and forces you to believe that the scenes you are building up right now are the ones that will be missed. But this is less than half of the picture you’re looking at. It gives you challenges to control your anger , your escape, your discomfort, your disasters your traumatic pain of love, your thoughts on being suffered and yet to hug and dance along the streets imagining the world of beauty and love. Well, it has nothing to do witn whom you have fallen in, as your genetic family system is that first roof under which you try and understand the matter of love and Bonding. And at times it’s tough!

I don’t understand why to be grateful? And what to do with being grateful? When the kind of pleasure you can get by diving into a pool or making yourself a delicate candy and adore your beauty all day. And what about if the greatness that’s being offered to you is a total waste? When it just bounces back off into the wild grasslands! I feel the same way, I choose to go a certain way and I’m struggling hard to get that then why do I feel sorry about not being thankful or why do I think for being one! I am not a hopeless calculative ass that would not consider your efforts, but trust me do not come with your flattering words that say you have done it all.!

However I still believe in the connection of coincidences, but here I must say, my plans have failed, My life is changing every way possible and I am all an unknown anxious middle aged soul that has seen good deeds going drained. At this junction of my life don’t make me deal with the right and wrong, or the orders that balance a life in great probability, just give me my area to live and let me know what’s next that goes wrong!
– Isha Mridul

Hey hope! You could have stayed more

Hey, hope you could have stayed more!

I walked down the streets of the most busy cities and bought all kinds of paints and diaries and clothes that were not of regular use . They gave me alot of things to carry but nothing to feel burdened about. I walked fast and slow wanting to be waved by faces that were new and foreign in a language that would give me another chance to study and decode the most interesting thing about life. About the gesture that brings together so much of other tasks and I would willingly feel and focus about things that made me smile. I don’t have enough to do with this city but I walk, I walk to roads, main streets, under the sunshine or crossing the bus signal, I want to know where does this come from and where do they go. And when did you decide to flip back, slap hard and never come back. If you thought I was feeling less you would have stayed to atleast make me feel to hate you and then spin me to a melody that could bring out tears. I don’t remember where is the address of the clock that ticks, saftey, concern or wait for me, because now it’s just the wooden doors being shut and locked and church bells that rings echoing in my head, making me wake up to a minute of absolute holy spirit. My fears walk before I even manage to get my skin back to normal after the rough scratches that happen deep dark last night. I don’t want to be taken away but to be escorted to a place where flowers bloom deliberately and I could embrace them fall every evening. This should be reiterated, in sequences where I choose to kill a person in my head that pushes me into so much of sufferings. I was sleeping with a face dipped in the pillow and mourning sharp to offer my tears for demise soul of hope that got knocked down in the accident today morning when I was running against the signals, just an attempt to enter the terminal and to feel caught. It emanate my thoughts and I freaked out, stamping my feet hard and weeping down on the pavement. I laid there, and no one took any interest of me breaking down. I checked on and started running, running to all streets I know, the backyards, crossing major churches and came back running in the house. I flipped back, and my face was warmer than the usual temperature. This was suffocation . My walls have no picture and the window has curtains drawn. There is no wonder why life doesn’t come in here, and I covered myself for a next deep sleep. Why is it that I have to hope for a life that is actually easily available? I sang, I sang hard opened every possible opening, tap, showers, drawers, refrigerator, myself and laughed! Gradually grunting and coughing hard, I just wanted myself to believe in the meantime and to react more deeply. For a life that was happening, grunting, panting, panicky inside while something was just making me numb and helpless for the reality I knew.
-isha mridul